Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
