if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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