New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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