I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize