Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
