I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
