just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
