im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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