He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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