I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
