I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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