Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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