there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
