I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
