She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
