Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
