i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's official drugs can't kill me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
