Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
