What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
