Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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