I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
