Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Mom said you looked used
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
