All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
