I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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