Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
