What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
