I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
