I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
