Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
