After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
