I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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