so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize