Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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