we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
