but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
