My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
