We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
