I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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