I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
