Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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