cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
