He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she smelled like a LAN party
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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