you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
