It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have fence marks all over my body
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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