If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
