I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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