i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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