found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
