My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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