Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
