Do you still have your period?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
