and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
