Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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