I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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