you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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