I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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