i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
