Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
