I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
