eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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