I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
