"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
