if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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