Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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