If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
