Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
