So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
