You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
