WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The feeling are messing with the penis
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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