please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
