She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just had sex bonerless
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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