My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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