Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
