he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize