And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Randomize
