My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
