I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
