I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
