Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
