I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
