Someone shit on the floor
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
honey bunches of taint.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
