so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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