Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
