Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
