I met the friendliest cop last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
